Saturday, July 14, 2012

When reality hits...

hits hard...

I'm lucky enough to have a husband who inspite of his own 40 hours week job still manages to keep the house tidy, prepares late lunch on the table and keeps children safe, fed and clean.

Last two weeks I worked as a mule. Literally. As my colleague took her summer holidays off, I was in my office for 10 to 11 hours per day and another two in my car. You can imagine how much time I had for my family.

To have at least some hours for them I got up early, at 3:45 a.m. to be in my office at 5 a.m. I worked as far as 3 or 4 p.m.. Came home an hour later after leaving the office.

Loris ended school three weeks ago and her summer holidays started at the same time (surprise, surprise). As she is just too little to be left home alone from 6:30 a.m. untill 3:30 p.m., she stayed at my parents house. We got her back every Friday and took her there every Sunday. So, thank you Mom and Dad. Without your help, we don't know what we would do.

But yesterday's one hour drive from my work to my parents house to pick up Loris, was full of thoughts. O.K. I think almost all the time, but this time I was not occupied only with Patrik's future, but I was thinking of our near future. It didn't look bright and shiny...

How do we manage? How do we cope? Emotionally? Financially?

Financially is somewhat mistery. Really. We both work. Full-time. We both bring home our monthly paychecks... however simple math is not enough.

For mortage and insurances we give 40% of our income.
For school, kindergarten and everything that fells into this category - 14% - and they are public facilities.
For all the house bills (electricity, heating, water... etc.) - 21%
Patrik's health (therapies) 20%

So, simple math says that we have for daily expenses through the month  (food, petrol, etc...) exactly 5% of our income.
It looks a lot, but if I would reveal to you our monthly income in €, you would see it's not that much.
How do we manage? We try. We calculate. We recalculate. And then we do it all over again. 
It's mistery... and few bills not paid on time... and everytime that happens, I feel ashamed.       

Few months ago the picture was not so bad. It was not so good either, but it was not so bad as it is now and the future... Well, it can get even worse.
I don't dare to think, but little voice in my head, when I sleep keep telling me: 'What if one of us loses our job? What then?' 
When I wake up, I do all that I can to prevent this fate for us. 

How do we cope emonionally? Hmm...
We talk alot, but for the past few months we somewhat avoided the theme and yesterday I made a mistake (I could say)... I explained J the simple math I did yesterday on my way home.

He was avare of the situation, but seeing the numbers layed down on the table - was simple too much.

I realised that when afterwards, when the children went sleeping, J went to clean the bathroom and a shower. He does that when something troubles him.

I blame the world crisis for the situation we are in. Before it we lived well. Our monthly income was larger so the percentage was different and although we cut all the unnecessary expenses... the situation is far from good.

Yesterday I heard someone saying:

"Rich is just another word for safe."

I agree. 

Right now
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  1. Tolažba ti je lahko le to, da smo vsi (ali pa velika večina) nič krivi nič dolžni v istem zosu. Sama si vedno rečem, kar te ne ubije te okrepi. Oziroma, bo že, ali pa nobena juha se ne poje tako vroča kot se skuha. Tudi vi boste preživeli, boš videla!

    1. Želim si, da bi mi bilo to v tolažbo, samo mi ni. Žal...

  2. It's so unfair, I don't feel safe either, but for different reasons. I really hope that good luck comes your way soon xx

    1. It is unfair...and the worst part is - I cannot do anything to change... I did everthing possible legal thing...