Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Hell! Many say that it's my natural habitat.

So, why am I complaining? Hmmmm... Really?

What or who put me here, where am I now? Others? It was me? Life itself? Decisions I once made? I believe it was all of that.

And what am I going to do? Will I leave it like it is? NO! Definitely not! I was never like that and I'm certainly not going to become like this now. I'm going to find the way out of this. One way or the other.

I never new how to quit, so I won't quit now. It's just not me. Whole of me!

Yes, I have my moments of despair, but I was never a quitter. Life did taught me how to make compromises, but never ever I knew how to quit and that is something I'm proud of. It brought me where am I now... and I don't mean in this 'state' of mind (Hell), but to the decision that I must stop.

Stop feeling sorry, because I didn't succeed to ensure my child the same opportunity others have.

Perhaps I must start to look from different perspective. Perhaps I must look at this as an Episode, which came to an end. As an opportunity to use this one or two years ahead of us, to achieve the goal I had (and have) at the end.

At the end, it's not only my life I'm talking about. It's my child's life...

After all... even after a very long winter night, the sun rises again...


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Greetings from Hell

I didn't forget about you and my blog. But at the moment my life is a little bit crazy-insane. At least I feel like it. 
With a lack of time I'm trying to manage it all.
I will give you full report when all this will be over. I promise.
I hope...

Monday, June 04, 2012

Did quite some miles today

First day of crazy week. I was at work already at 6 a.m. to do some neccessary things, that just had to be done. Left at 8:45 back home. Well, not exatcly home. J. and Patrik waited for me on a parking lot in our hometown, just to be picked up and went forward. 

Actually I left my car on the parking lot in front of the store, sat to passanger seat and went furthure East to Maribor. Well as I work near Ljubljana (capitol) which is in the West from our hometown, Celje is somewhat the 'centre' and Maribor is in the East... 

What were we doing in Maribor. Well, at first we had to find the UMC in the middle of the town. Luckly, they have two parking houses near so we were able to find the parking.

So we went to search for the right building. As I was told in the morning to look for the building no. 7, we did just that and surprisingly we found it immediately. We needed to find the Laboratory of Medical Genetics as Patrik was sent by his doctor to the Lab to take some blood for Gene tests.

Altough we were there before 11 a.m. we were taken right away. Of course we had an interview. If we were told before - that they will need some more medical informations from our families, I believe we would had been more prepared.

At the end I found out that I know more about my grandparents and why caused their death than I know about my sisters or my parents. But I was not alone. J felt the same. The medical history of our families is somewhat mistery for us.

In the meantime Patrik was fine. He was somewhat bored, but he listened to us and watched us doing the interview. He was not annoying or anything. We were able to take enough time to do it.

After that interview we were taken to another building - to the Pediatric clinic, where they waited for us. We had told Patrik what he must expect in clinic and that they will take his blood.

Everything went nice and smooth.... until we came into the lab. As soon as Patrik saw the room, he turned for 180° and wanted to run out. He realised we didn't joke in the car. I was fast enough to catch him and then we ask the laboratory assistnat for another assistant as only three of us would not be enough. Patrik is still strong as an ox.

No kidding...

So after a struggeling; I had him in my arms, J held his legs still, the assistant held his left hand and the fourth of the group, took his blood. Of course Patrik did scream. We had hard time to tie his hand down when they finished. Outside the lab, we struggled to held him close not to desturb the stitcs. Where I got the strenght to hold him in my arms and carry him down to the lobby of the clinic... I don't know. In the elevator we were not alone and we had been given some strange look from the man inside. But I couldn't care less.

In the lobby the 'meltdown' (we were prepared for it) continued... until J spotted the swing outside the doors in the clinic's garden. He told screaming Patrik that the swings are outside and we all run to them. 

After two or three swings, he was calmed down. He was smiling. He - at least looked like - forgot all about the things that had been done to him.

Well, after half an hour we went to the car and drove home. Finally. 

Now, we wait. For approximately half year. If they will find something that is unusual or pathologic in his genes, we will be called to give our blood too. If not - the genetic defect was not the preposition for his Autism.

Why we decided to go through this test? Yes, we don't care what caused Patrik's Autism. What we care about is how to help him to achieve his future. But if this test will help in the future some other children, then we did all we could to contribute. 

Does this make sense to you?           

Sunday, June 03, 2012

The Imapct - Special Saturday theme

Although this is not Saturday, but this is nevertheless my contribution to this week theme - The Impact of Special Needs on the Parents.

I wrote that blog post at the begining of my blogging. How we learned about Autism and that our son has it... and how we started a new journey from that day forward.

I don't want to be 'too smart' as I'm not. I know how many other parents split - even when they don't have children with special needs... and that is a sad statistic.

We have peculiar sense of humor. Sometimes it looks like noone understand it except for us. We know that perhaps without it, we wouldn't last as long as we do.

I just hope that our laughter, our chatter, our constant need of our touch...etc, will never go away. 

This post is for Special Saturday, an online ‘global’ campaign that aims to raise awareness of children and adults living with special needs. Please join the cause by joining the facebook page - Follow on twitter - @Specialsat and retweeting hashtag - #specialsaturday Read and follow the Special Saturday Blog -