Sunday, April 22, 2012

Stress on the Carer

I have a peculiar immune system. I was told that many times by my MD (in the past) and so was my mother when I was a child.

I remember the only two times that I have been driven to the hospital as an emergency case. 
The first time I was around 11 yrs old and I had been on the very edge of my appending broken - but read this... No signs before, until it was almost too late.
The second time I was 16 or 17 (in between) yrs old and in the morning when I got up and went to dress myself in the bathroom - I collapsed on the floor - somehow I managed to unlock the bathroom and came out of it. My mom said that the only words I had said at that time was: "I can't see. I can't see." and I was on the floor. That was the first and only time that I faited. And that was a sign for my mother something must be very wrong with me.

I think I will never forget when my mom was arguing with the doctor in the hospital as he yelled at her, where she was with me before. And she was trying to explain to him that I had no signs about the illness before. It was hard then. I had inflammation almost everywhere in my body - it was very close that even my heart could got it. But my mom was right. I had no signs; no fever, no cough... nothing.

But that passed and getting 'older' as a fine wine - my immune system hasn't change. It's still the same. It holds on what ever pressure, stress or whatever might get upon me. Yes, I get fever on occasion... the headache I can say - if that pressure in my head here and there is headache, than I know what it is, if this is not headache, I don't know the feeling... 

It's been two decades now, that I have been taken to the hospital. Yes, my card at my MD is full of dates, but for other reasons, not my illness. I think I saw my doctor in past 5 years two times - and even that was not my illness but I had to get my sick note for my job - as my mother was not able to get them for me. Luckly I meet him here and there in the town so I still know how he looks like. :o)

In the last five years I made some changes and in the same time I found myself in that bumpy ride - called life with Autism. 
No wonder that I have more and more days, when I feel & look exactly like this cat (I found on FB) - I even printed the picture, put it in the plastic and put it on my computer in my office, so that everyone can see it.

So, what is my prescribtion to survive stress - I don't have any, I just go with the flow. I think I (we) live too long with it and somehow we become adjusted to it. Yes, some days are worse than the others, but at the end I (we) just have to live them through. There is no other option.

And the signs I have that I'm in stress:
- I have a rash on the back on my neck for several years (no, I was not at my doctor because of it);
- in the last 6 months I got one on the left side of my tummy that itches as hell (I didn't see him for it either);
and this one I think is more disturbing:
- I forget things - not mayor ones - small ones... like put my rings on my fingers when leaving the house; forget to take my lunch with me when going to work... if I remember to take those things, I defenitely forget something else and I remember about it/them, when I'm far too far to turn around and get them.  (You know the drill - I WAS NOT at my doctor for this too)

But until I can cope with it, I don't mind. I just hope that nothing strange goes on in my body - because giving my medical history, when my body will show me that something is wrong, it might be just too late.

I hope my mind is strong enough to help me fulfill my goals - to raise my children into independend individuals who will know their place in this world.

This post is for Special Saturday, an online ‘global’ campaign that aims to raise awareness of children and adults living with special needs.
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  1. Ah, Petra... I think it is understandable that you forget things! You are a working mum and maybe you have too many things on your mind!! Hope that you don't have to visit the Dr for many many years to come! :)

  2. hehehe... not maybe... for sure...
    I hope I will not have to visit my MD too... for many, many years...